But wait - there's new news:
This Emco 400 Traditional Self-Storing Storm Door , for which I waited forty days, is in fact A COMPLETE PIECE OF GARBAGE.
First of all, it's made of fucking tin foil. The thing was dented inside the box. Later, I think I sneezed, and it dented again... badly.
Second of all, if you look at the product description, there's a line that reads as follows:
SecurityWTF, you sneaky bastards! It is NOT built in!
- Deadbolt with keyed lock is built into the door frame.
How is this, you ask? I'll tell you how: The door comes flat, with no hardware on it. Not only is there no hardware on it, but you have to actually drill your own holes in the tin foil in order to install THE HANDLE and LOCK.
Third, due to the aforementioned tin foil quality, my door was totally warped. That is to say, when in a closed and locked position, one could still slip a UPS parcel into my porch via the ridiculous gap at the top of this craptastic door's frame.
I tried to bend it back, and almost broke the glass insert. Evidently the components are secured with bubble gum and tape.
Oh, and this door retails for $360 at Home Depot, in case you were wondering.